My son has a habit using his hand to push people. Scolded by us endlessly. he is not a bad boy, sth upset him before that. And then it provoke it. I feel sad. Me and my husband have been always taught him to be polite to say ” excuse me”. Today he push people again in the play ground I think. (Because I did not witness it. )The parent came up to me and told me. I know I should say sorry to her . But in stead I told her off. I just don want to scold my son in front of others. What ‘s more, she said sth very hurt me. She told another parent that my son also like to push people. I just feel angry abt her comment of my son. Am I did the wrong thing. Am I being too stressful that I became crazy??? SOS ….I think you are fine, but your English is a bit crazy.Sorry for the broken English as I can only type English from hpI mean my son really has a terrible character . Anybody can teach me how to help him?? Thanks!
1. 我孩子十多岁了, 身上一堆的坏毛病. 比如脾气暴躁, 没有时间观念…….等等等等
有一天我突然发现, 他身上这些毛病, 不是在我身上能找到, 就是从他妈妈身上能找到.
2. 你说”I just don want to scold my son in front of others”, 中国有句古话, “当面教子,背后教妻”,
古人的经验现在不完全适用,但既然流传了千年,必然有它的精辟之处.
你把邻居送走关上门跟孩子再苦口婆心,远不如当着外人给他的教育对他的触动大.
为什么现在有些家长管不了孩子,而学校老师能管,就是因为老师批评他的时候多数是在课堂上,当着同学们的面,不会考虑什么伤自尊的问题.不知你的孩子几岁了?
孩子的暴力问题来源有很多，需要父母自己仔细观察出来，才能对症下药。例如，父母本身也有暴力问题、孩子想引起父母对自己的注意力、甜食和速食等饮食不当…
邻居上门了，并不是想看你当面处罚孩子，而是想看你对这件事的看法和作为。如果你只是把人打发走、对孩子也无措，那这样的情况就会一再发生，你的儿子会被社区当成麻烦人物。
如果是我，在儿子推人的那时间如果我在场，我会带着儿子亲自去向孩子的父母道歉、并要求儿子道歉，但不会对儿子做出任何体罚动作，而是当着对方父母的面告知儿子”感同身受”的道理。如果邻居找上门来的做法也是一样。
如果他还是屡犯不听，就拒绝让他再去游乐场玩、或是让他当场罚站、或是卡通时间要取消。
不要轻忽孩子的暴力行为，在你还有能力教育他们时得教育，小心将来这暴力可能用到你两老身上。即使孩子还小，还是得让他们清楚明白，任何人都得为自己的行为负责，没有任何借口可以替自己开脱，父母也不要替他们找借口。
我家孩子上小学后规定: 吃完饭，自己得把碗盘收到水槽；把水打翻了，自己拿布来擦；书包、制服要自己睡前准备好；弄丢了文具再要买新的，得用自己的零用钱，或是做家事来补偿；假日得找个时间拿着抹布自己打扫房间；对不起人，得自己亲自去道歉…..
千万不可以宠孩子，将来长大谁宠他?我赞成你不在外人面前骂孩子。这绝对是我教育孩子的一个很重要的原则。
孩子的规矩，从小养成；在家里，一定要严格管教；但在外人面前，有错，应该让孩子跟对方说抱歉；如果实在孩子也有隐情，不愿意说，那家长代说；若家长亲眼看见自己孩子做错，而孩子不道歉，还是家长道歉，但回家要好好教训孩子，同时反省为什么孩子这么不懂做人的基本道理。若上述情况您都做到，对方家长依然出言不逊，那就对不起，留电话身份证随她愿意，让她带孩子去医院检查，有事你赔；再不甘愿，建议对方找警察。
不在外人面前训斥孩子，是为了孩子的自尊心，在我眼里，自尊心的培养是必须的，比补习，比读书，不知道重要多少倍，因为我希望我的孩子永远能够用平视的眼光看世界，不畏强势，当然也不能欺负弱小，用自己的行动告诉孩子，尊重任何人都是必须的，哪怕他还只是个弱小的孩子。Thank you! After I read all the comments and reflect on myself. I realized I did not do the rift thing. Maybe my son really push people. Yes, all these character are inherited from us, I have to admit. This column really help me a lot. I appreciated. Though he is 4, but I can see the seriousness of his act. I will try all the means to help him. I want him to change. It is time for him and for me to changeYou are right. I will change. I realized the seriousness of the outcome . I would want him to change. Thanks alot. I think we as parents need to teach him properly.He is 4. I will learn. Thank you for you sincere advice.Thank you. . It is just gentle push. But the main problem here is that he just cannot control his hands. I am actually worried in future he won’t be able to control himself ,he will make a bigger mistake. InitIally I just want to vent out my anger. I really I was the one that is wrong.如果只是偶尔推推人家，也许教导一下会管用。
我见过有个两岁半的小孩，不善用语言表达，也不善观察学习。经常用肢体来表达他的喜怒。父母与托儿所的老师们都非常担心，他经常在人家不注意时，忽然推人一把，有次爬在游乐场的滑梯上，老师们如临大敌，把他哄下来，就怕他推一下其他小朋友，那是谁都会感到害怕的场景。他没有避一下或让一下的自然反应，只要谁从他后面走到他前面，他肯定推人家，或他走到人家后面了，人家还没避开，他就推了。
后来有个印度老师建议他父母带孩子去看医生，起初父母很生气，后来也带去检查，原来这小孩有轻微自闭。如果你觉得不在外人面前教育孩子是对的，那么你为什么认为别人把你孩子爱推人的事实告诉给其他人是错的？
如果我是对方孩子的父母，我看到你对自己的孩子不管不顾，我当然一定会把这种事告诉其他人。我不仅会跟别人说你的孩子爱推人，我还会说，这孩子的父母根本不教育孩子学好。
你已经在纵容你的孩子犯错了
醒醒吧支持！！孩子要自立，孩子可以做的事，要让他养成习惯自己做，这样既可以自立，又可以体会父母的辛苦！！我也不赞成在外人面前骂孩子。。。
但有时也要看是什么事，
记得在儿子小一时，我去接他，远远就看见几个小孩在一起互相推推搡搡。。。
当我走近时，看到一个很凶的妈妈在指责我的儿子，推他很高大的儿子，儿子抬着头，有点委屈得看着那个凶女人
我就上前问她，为什么？？她就拉啦一堆。。
我指着周围孩子问，谁看到我儿子推他了？
结果周围的孩子都说是那个大孩子推大家，大家推回他，刚好他妈妈来了，她就说是我儿子推他的。。
结果我就对那个大孩子说：对我儿子说对不起，因为你冤枉了他！！
那个大个子和妈妈说个对不起，匆匆跑了。。
儿子很开心说：我以为你会骂我呢？
我俩手拉手回家了。。
顺路教育他，不可以推小朋友，不要吵架，打架，要有礼貌！！You are right. But I think the urgent thing I need to do is really correct him not to use his hand to settle problem. It is a small habit from what we observe. I think it started when he is very young, he was been pushed by a bigger kids in a shopping center without reason. As a mother, I feel I should give face to that kids. So I pull my kid away. He was 2 then. But it seems he felt bullied. But We just told him his mother would scold him. That’s all. Subsequently , he started to go to school . His class got a lot other bullies and he was been pushed a few times bescause they snatch toys. I just told him need to be polite in order to gain friendship. He agreed. But after he was been bullied, a few weeks later I was told by teacher he push people. And teacher told us the reason is because he do not want to share toys.I feel sad. But what we do is just scold and scold until he cry. We thought that would stop him. Now he is 4. It does not stopped. We concluded: he did not want people to take advantage and people invade to his place. What we can do now is to tell him to slow down. Let others kids have all the toys . If people want to go in front of you. Let them be.Thank all for the kind advices. Many thanks again!He is very talkative at home . From what we observe he just does not like people take advantage of him. Like standing in his place, play the things he likes to play… We would advised him to share. Thanks a lot. Really!You are right . I did a wrong thing at that moment. As I presumed it must be her son also pushed my son that why he pushed back. I did apologized . But things was all settled in anger. So everything mess up. Thanks a lot for your advice. I know I should really correct him.
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